A WinWin Situation
by Topaz Talyn
Summary: A Parody of Gaara romance stories. Temari tries to get Gaara to go out with various girls so that she will be free to find herself a boyfriend. Gaara however is not too fond of this plan. Will he find love? Or will Naruto screw everything up?
1. The Idea

A Win-Win Situation

By Topaz Talyn

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any related characters

Chapter one

Temari was bored. She wanted to do all the things that any girl her age would do, mostly she wanted to date boys. However unlike most girls her age Temari had a small problem which prevented her from dating.

His name was Gaara and he was her little brother. However where most little brothers would annoy their older sisters by listening into private conversations and putting various disgusting items on their sisters persons, Gaara was …unique… Unlike other younger brothers Gaara had a demon trapped inside him which gave him an uncontrollable urge to kill people. As you can imagine this usually brought Temari's dates to a screeching halt.

Sure Gaara's ability and willingness to kill at nearly any opportunity had come in quite handy in the past. As a result of it neither she nor her other brother Kankurou had to learn an actual ninja skill. They had been able to stick with their random large objects while allowing Gaara to do most of the work. They could still fight, they just chose not to.

But this lack of a love life was beginning to frustrate Temari to an extreme degree. The only way she kept her anger in check was by taking it out on Kankurou. Temari sighed and lay down on her couch.

"Not only do I not have a boyfriend," she thought, "I don't even have a hot guy to lust for like those bimbos in Konoha." Suddenly Temari snapped up.

"Of course! Those Konoha morons," she thought, "They're all about the same age as Gaara. If I could set him up with one of those girls, he would leave me alone for a while. And if he kills all the girls in Konoha, then I'll have open choice to date any guy I want. It's a win-win situation."

Temari went upstairs to look for her address book in which she kept all the information on the Kunoichis of the leaf village. After she had searched for about an hour she remembered that she had thrown that book away. After the failed rescue mission of Sasuke she had exchanged phone numbers and addresses with all of the girls in Konoha, however when she had gotten home she had promptly thrown the sheet of paper with their info into the garbage. At the time she didn't really care if she ever saw any of the denizens of the leaf village again. Now she was regretting that decision. Suddenly a light bulb appeared over her head and she ran out of her house at a lightening fast pace. She didn't even remember to bring her fan.


	2. The List

A Win-Win Situation

By Topaz Talyn

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any related characters

Chapter two: The List

The jounin who ran the sand village's intelligence department was by no means easily shocked. He had been on numerous missions, killed numerous people, and knew lots of classified information. However when an out of breathe teenage girl came sprinting into his office and asked for bingo book profiles of all the kunoichis from Konoha between the ages of ten and twenty one, even he had to raise an eyebrow.

"Why, may I ask do you need them?" He asked not trusting the girl.

"There for my brother." Temari responded smiling cruelly at the man, "Perhaps you've heard of him. His name is Gaara."

At the mere mention of Gaara's name the experienced ninja turned white as a sheet. He looked up at the kunoichi who was smirking down at him.

"Just a moment, ma'am" He finally spoke, and hurried to find all the files that the strange girl wanted

When Temari got home she immediately started reading through the files. She marked each one with either a red X mark, or a green check mark. Most of the women were a bit too old or too young for Gaara but she eventually got a list of worthy candidates. She then proceeded to list the pros and cons of each girl. She ended up with six candidates. Her list read as follows:

**Hyuuga Hinata**

Pluses

-Mild-mannered (would not offend Gaara)

-Nice body

-Could easily be intimidated into doing whatever I want her to

-Her family won't care if she is killed

Minuses

-Has a crush on another boy

-The other boy is Uzumaki Naruto, the one person who Gaara sort of respects.

-Kind of annoying

**Yamanaka Ino**

Pluses

-Pretty face

-Cute body

-Nice hair

Minuses

- Vacuous

- Obsessed with another boy

- Kind of annoying

**TenTen**

Pluses

- I can beat her up

Minuses

- Has no real personality or character traits to speak of

**Haruno Sakura**

Pluses

-Cute

-Has no problem with demon hosts

-Medic Nin (could come in handy knowing Gaara)

Minuses

-Obsessed with another boy

- REALLY annoying

**Mitarashi Anko**

Pluses

- Almost as psycho as Gaara

- Almost as bloodthirsty as Gaara

- Almost as weird as Gaara

Minuses

- Age difference

- If they do hook up, their children will destroy the world.

**Hyuuga Hanabi**

Pluses

- Is female

Minuses

- Age difference

- Her family will hunt me down if Gaara kills her

Note: Use Hanabi only if Gaara kills all other women

With her list finished Temari only had two things to do before she could put this plan in action. First she needed to recruit a partner in crime. A male partner in crime. A male puppet wielding partner in crime. A male puppet wielding relative partner in crime. (I think she may already have someone in mind) The second thing she needed to do was tell Gaara of her plan. This was why she needed her brother, because she sure as hell wasn't going to tell Gaara about this.


	3. The Plan

A Win-Win Situation

By Topaz Talyn

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any associated characters

Chapter three: The Plan

"…And so you see that is why you should help me with my plans, Kankurou." Temari concluded. She had just given the best speech of her life. It had involved charts, graphs and most importantly illustrations of what she would do to him if he failed to comply. She felt extremely proud of herself. Kankurou just sat there.

"…"

"Kankurou?"

"…"

Kankurou?"

"…"

"**KANKUROU!**" Temari screamed in anger. She smacked her brother on the head. He fell on his side with a clunk. Temari just stood there for a second and blinked before the situation sank in.

"I'VE BEEN TALKING TO A PUPPET FOR THE LAST FREAKIN HOUR!" Temari screamed. "THEN WHERE THE HELL IS KANKUROU?"

"What do you want me for?" a voice inquired. Temari slowly turned around to see her little brother standing there with his hands in his pocket and a concerned look on his face. His concern was of course for himself because at this moment Temari had a red glow around her and was slowly advancing towards him. Then everything went black.

………………………………………

"And THAT'S my plan, now are you going to help me or not?" Temari finished her second briefer, more threatening explanation. Kankurou struggled against his ropes.

"Do I have a choice?" He inquired

"No" She smiled in return. Kankurou slumped in resignation.

"Okay, I give up, now what do I have to do?" Temari's grin broadened as she untied her brother.

"You have to convince Gaara to go along with the plan."

Kankurou's eyes shot open in horror. He hated theses situations. He either had to confront Gaara, which nobody like doing, or he had to deal with Temari beating him up for the next week. He seemed to be in a lot of these situations recently.

………………………………………

"Gaara?" said Kankurou timidly as he knocked on his brother's door. He was hoping that Gaara would be somewhere else. Kankurou paused and remembered what Gaara did when he was out of the house. This scared him even more.

"What?" came the monotonous reply.

"Can I come in?" Kankurou asked on the verge of running away.

Gaara paused to consider this. He was trying to open up more to people after his battle with Naruto. He was even trying to stop killing random people. He hadn't honestly been very successful but do YOU want to tell him that. After five minutes of deliberation Gaara opened his door allowing a trembling Kankurou to come in.

"So Gaara, Temari has this plan. Again this plan is all Temari and not me so if you feel angry about this plan it is not my plan and I am not.."

"Spit it out" Gaara interrupted.

……………………………………..

"And so that's the plan Gaara." Kankurou concluded. Kankurou nervously looked at his brother who was deep in thought. "He's probably figuring out a new and painful way to murder me." Thought Kankurou.

"Well I did promise myself that I would be more sociable," Gaara thought, "But I don't even know any of these girls. On the other hand if I get bored I can just kill them. Plus if I kill them Sasuke may come to avenge their death which would give me a chance to fight that stuck up bastard and finish him once and for all." Gaara finished smirking murderously. (And almost causing Kankurou to wet himself)

"I'll do it" Gaara said

"WHAT?"


	4. The Bet

A Win-Win Situation

By Topaz Talyn

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any related characters

Chapter Four: The Bet

Convincing the girls to agree was a fairly simple process. All Temari had to do was mention that if they refused the date then Gaara would be VERY upset with them. And no one wanted to be on Gaara's bad side. So the next morning the three sand-nins set out to the bus depot where they would catch the bus which they always took when they needed to get to Konoha. They found three seats in a row and sat down with Gaara in the middle and Temari on the aisle. The trip was calm until…

"So who exactly will I be going out with?" Gaara asked.

"Well the four girls who were in the Chunin exam plus a few others." Gaara raised his eyebrow. Or at least he tried but since Gaara had no eyebrows nobody noticed. This angered Gaara causing him to kill the people in the row behind him, but nobody said anything because they were all from the Sand village and knew that one does not mention Gaara's murders. Gaara continued.

"Well who are 'a few others'?"

"Well one was the examiner in the forest of death. Do you remember? Her name is Anko." Temari told him.

"I remember that she's psychotic." Gaara replied. Coming from Gaara that meant a lot.

"Well I'm sure that if you get to know her she's really quite nice." Said Temari

"What makes you think that?" asked Gaara

"Well, um, you see, she's so uhhh, she seem, well, Kankurou, help me out here."

"Huh" Kankurou had been lost in his own little world. A world where he didn't have a homicidal brother, he didn't have a domineering sister, but he did have a pony. Kankurou liked ponies. That was his deepest secret. If anyone were to ever find that out he would track them down and kill them.

"Kankurou, tell Gaara how great Anko is." Temari barked at him.

"Who's Anko?"

"She was the examiner in the forest of death."

"The psychotic one?"

SMACK

"See I told you she was psychotic," said Gaara, "Why are you trying to set me up with a psycho, actually why are you trying to set me up at all. You never explained why you were doing this." Temari gulped, it seemed that her plan was going to end before the first date. Luckily at that moment they pulled through the Konoha gates. (It was a very fast bus)

"Oh look we're here." Temari said sighing with relief.

The three siblings got off the bus and began to walk to their hotel when they heard a loud voice behind them.

"STOP RIGHT THERE!"

……………………………………..

Temari was livid. She couldn't believe that they had gotten to Konoha only to be brought before the Hokage for not having valid passports. It was all Kankurou's fault. He was supposed to get them passes. On the way to the office she had lectured him about responsibility but unbeknownst to Temari after she spoke two sentences Kankurou's mind went back to pony world.

"The Hokage will see you now." Tsunade's secretary announced. "Which one of you will be speaking for your group. Temari looked back and forth between Kankurou and Gaara.

"I will." She said.

"Alright, your brothers can just wait here for you then." The secretary said as she led Temari into the office.

…………………………………….

"And so that's my plan." Finished Temari. Tsunade had asked for an explanation of why the three sand-nins were in her village and Temari had spilled the whole story expecting Tsunade to understand. Tsunade simply leaned back in her chair and sighed.

"It'll never work you know. I should know I tried doing that years ago. I set Jiraiya and Orochimaru up on dates with girls in an effort to get them off my back."

"What Happened?"

"Well Jiraiya's girl came running back to me twenty minutes later mad that I had set her up with such a pervert, and they never found the body of Orochimaru's girl."

"That's awful"

"I'll say! She owed me money. I don't think you'll succeed but I'll sign the passes anyway."

"Thank you and, I WILL succeed." At this comment Tsunade broke into a small mischievous smile.

"Well perhaps you would like to make a little wager." Tsunade was now grinning widely. "I'll bet you 500 dollars that Gaara will leave this town single." Two thoughts crossed Temari's mind. The first was: Is this woman really in charge of the entire village? The second thought was: OH, IT'S ON NOW YOU OLD HAG!

"I'll take your bet old lady!"

Somewhere in the land of ponies Kankurou sensed that something very bad had just happened.


	5. Ino

A Win-Win Situation

By Topaz Talyn

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any related character

Chapter five: Ino

Ino sat in a trendy local café waiting for her date. She didn't particularly want to go out with Gaara but since Sasuke had left the village and Ino was a practical girl she figured she might as well explore her options. She sighed and looked at the menu if the date didn't go well she would at least get a free meal out of it. (Actually if the date truly went poorly the best she could hope for was a painless death but she was trying not to think about that.) She looked up just in time to see Gaara walking into the café, she waved to him and he came and sat down across from her.

……………………………………………….

Outside the café Temari and a reluctant Kankurou were spying on Gaara's date

"Awww they look so cute together" Temari cooed thinking that she may have hit the jackpot on the first try "Those 500 dollars are as good as mine."

"I still don't see why I had to come."

"Shut up Kankurou."

"It's not as if there's gonna be any trouble."

"Shut up Kankurou."

"But I don't wanna be here."

"Shut up Kankurou"

"Women always make you do troublesome things."

"SHUT UP KANKUROU!" Temari finally shouted

"Uh Temari, That last one wasn't me."

………………………………………………

Things were going surprisingly well between Gaara and Ino. It was almost as if Ino were used to dating a genius ninja whose entire family excluding his siblings was dead, and who had an angsty back story. I wonder why that is? Gaara was actually enjoying himself. Mostly because not everyone in the Leaf Village treated him like a horrible monster. Gaara was used to girls screaming and running away whenever he tried to start up a conversation. There is only one other person in the world who knows that feeling, and oddly enough he was less than a mile away running 500 laps around the village border with his sensei. Conversation between the two was awkward but at least both were making an effort. Gaara was thinking, "She's cute not the brightest person but cute nonetheless." Ino was thinking, "Well if Sasuke-kun is still gone in six months maybe I'll call this guy up for another date."

………………………………………………

Outside things weren't going nearly as well. Chouji was currently cowering behind Shikamaru, or at least trying to. It was hard to do considering that Chouji was about three times as wide as the lazy ninja. Temari was just standing there emanating waves of pure hatred. Kankurou was slinking off trying to avoid being caught in the inevitable crossfire. Shikamaru was just looking at the girl thinking, "Do I know her?"

Kankurou sighed, things couldn't possibly get any worse but then they did.

…………………………………………….

Naruto had been running around the village trying to find one of three people; Iruka, Sakura, or Jiraiya. Naruto was feeling hungry, lovelorn and bored, so he was seeking out the three people who could solve his problems. Then he saw something much more interesting. The sand trio or at least two of them were standing outside a café along with Shikamaru and Chouji. Temari was leaning in awfully close to Shikamaru who looked, as always, completely annoyed. Chouji and Kankurou looked as if they were trying as hard as they could not to get involved. Naruto instantly recognized this as a lover's quarrel. He felt that it was his duty as Konoha's coolest ninja to help solve this dispute.

……………………………………………….

Temari and Shikamaru's conversation had of course not been a lover's quarrel but it was nonetheless a quarrel. Temari had initially been mad at Shikamaru for humiliating her in the chunin exam, she got even angrier when he admitted that he didn't know who she was. Her anger increased once again when he guessed that she was Kin from the sound village. At that point Temari lost it and started yelling at Shikamaru. Then it dawned on her. The reason that Shikamaru had been outside the café in the first place. He was trying to sabotage Gaara's date.

"You're trying to throw a wrench in my plan aren't you?"

"What?" said Shikamaru utterly confused.

"You're trying to sabotage Gaara's date with Ino."

"Why would I do a troublesome thing like that?"

"Why? I don't know. Unless. Unless YOU have a crush on the Yamanaka girl!"

…………………………………………………

"…YOU have a crush on the Yamanaka girl!" Naruto heard Temari say as he walked up to the odd group of ninjas. "Ahh that must be the cause of this fight. Temari saw Shikamaru hanging out with Ino and being unaware that they are on the same team thought that Shikamaru was cheating on her with Ino." Thought Naruto, he decided that he had to explain the situation to Temari.

"Oi! Temari come here! I think I can solve your problem." called Naruto. Temari turned around noticing Naruto for the first time. The prospect of solving Temari's problem was obviously of interest to her so she abandoned the group to go talk to Naruto. After giving Kankurou strict orders to make sure that the rest of Gaara's date went un-sabotaged, that is.

"So you can solve my problem?"

"Yes, it's quite simple really." Naruto smirked.

"How did you even know about it?"

"Well I deduced it from that conversation you were just having with Shikamaru." Temari was quite shocked at this. Could Naruto actually find her a suitable boyfriend? She had to ask him.

"So, can you actually find me a suitable boyfriend?"

"Don't be hasty. Just because you and Shikamaru had a fight doesn't mean you have to break up."

"WHAT?"

"I mean lots of lovers fight. But if you can work through it you'll have a stronger relationship and I bet you'll even…."

Naruto never got to finish that sentence. At the mention of her going out with Shikamaru, Temari had pulled out her fan and knocked Naruto clear across the village. All the excitement had tired Temari out so she decided to go back to the hotel.

……………………………..

When Gaara and Kankurou arrived in their shared room, Temari was eager to hear the details of Gaara's date. Gaara being Gaara however would give her no details besides that the date was "fine" After Gaara left to go to bed. Well at least to go sit on his bed at mope about his inability to sleep Temari cornered Kankurou.

"How did you deal with that idiotic saboteur?"

"Well I…"

"Did you use your kunai? Or shuriken? Did you stick an exploding tag on him?"

"Not exactly. You see he…"

"You used Karasu didn't you? Of course, that is your specialty."

"Temari, I didn't have to fight him."

"What?"

"Well after you left, he just said that he didn't care who Ino went out with because all women are troublesome and just walked off."

"WHAT?"

…………………………..

Naruto had been defeated. He was sad thinking that such a great relationship was going to end simply because of a misunderstanding. It couldn't end that way. He wouldn't let it. Naruto stood up and with fire in his eyes declared, "I WILL save Temari and Shikamaru's relationship if it's the last thing I do!" And in the hotel for the second time in two days Kankurou sensed that something terrible had just happened.


	6. Plotting

A Win-Win Situation

By Topaz Talyn

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any related characters

Chapter Six: Plotting

"You're probably wondering why I've asked you all here tonight." Spoke Naruto to the assembled crowd. The group he had managed to gather at this point consisted of everyone's favorite dynamic green duo; Rock Lee and Maito Gai. Also in attendance were Inuzuka Kiba, The toad sannin, Jiraiya, Hyuuga Neji (Who had literally been dragged to the meeting by Lee and Gai), and Hatake Kakashi who had nonchalantly wondered into their meeting place and decided to stay. Naruto continued, "Are there any questions so far?" Neji stood up.

"This is a secret meeting right?" Neji asked.

"Right"

"Meaning we're going to be discussing things that are confidential right?"

"Right"

"Then why are we meeting AT THE RAMEN STAND?" Indeed they were at Naruto's favorite restaurant (That's why Kakashi wandered in. He was hungry.) Naruto appeared to be deep in thought for a few minutes before finally coming up with an answer.

"We're at a ramen stand…" The entire crowd waited with baited breath. "We're at a ramen stand because I'm hungry!" Everyone face faulted at Naruto's sheer idiocy.

"Alright enough about our… unusual location, why don't you tell us the purpose of this meeting Naruto." Said Kakashi acting as the voice of reason. Naruto sighed as he regained his composure.

"Right well as we all know Temari and Shikamaru are in love with one another."

"Who's Temari?" asked Kiba.

"She's one of the Sand Nins. She's Gaara's older sister."

"So it's a long distance relationship."

"Of course."

"It's amazing how people are able to keep those relationships going without seeing each other it must be really hard work." Kiba finished.

"I don't think those two are actually going out." Neji pointed out only to be met with death glares from Kiba and Naruto. This didn't work very well considering that Neji just glared right back at them and Neji' glare is a hundred times more intimidating than Naruto's or Kiba's.

"Moving on." Said Kakashi once again acting as the voice of reason.

"Right," said Naruto getting back on track, "Well recently I saw Temari and Shikamaru together outside a restaurant and they were arguing. It seems that Temari thinks that Shikamaru has a crush on Ino. I tried to stop that silly argument right there but Temari was really angry. I've decided that we can't let their love be ruined over this. But since both of them are too stubborn to admit that they screwed up, it's up to us to save Shikamaru and Temari's relationship! So will you guys help me in this quest or not."

"Of course I will help you the great green beast of Konoha must do all he can to protect young love!" shouted Gai with tears streaming down his face.

"Yes you're awesome Gai-sensei! I shall help too!" Lee shouted also with tears rolling down his face. The two green-clad men turned towards each other.

"Lee"

"Gai-sensei"

"Lee"

"Gai-sensei" They embraced as the sunset in the background despite the fact that it was already dark out. Gai broke the embrace and added something else.

"Neji will also help as I order him to." Neji looked like he was about to cry but for a different reason than his sensei and teammate.

"I too shall help." Said Jiraiya. (Unbeknownst to the rest of the group Jiraiya just wanted and excuse to observe Temari)

"You can count on my support."

"Arf!"

"And Akamaru's support."

"Why not. It's not like I have anything better to do." Kakashi said opening his book.

"Alright we have a team now we need a plan. Who's good at coming up with plans?" Naruto asked. Everyone realized that there was one person who was good at coming up with plans. However they couldn't ask him because he was the person they were trying to help.

"I know! I'll ask Tsunade, she should be able to help us with this. Alright everybody meet back here tomorrow morning." Naruto commanded.

"Right!" replied everyone else. Then they all punched the air like power rangers (except for Neji who was busy moping about how fate had screwed him over.)

………………………………………….

Tsunade couldn't have been happier with Naruto's request. She had been looking for some way to sabotage Temari's plan when the perfect opportunity had presented itself in the moronic blond ninja.

"Of course I'll help you Naruto you'll just have to give me some time to think up a scheme, I mean plan." Tsunade said trying her best not to look calm and helpful. This task was hard because inside Tsunade was already coming up with evil plots to destroy Temari's plans and win the bet.

"Cool! I'll see you later Tsunade!" Naruto shouted as he left the office. Tsunade took a moment to lean back in her chair and smile evilly. She felt the desire to cackle but she managed to control it. After a few moments she hit her intercom button and told Shizune to send in her next meeting. She was surprised to find that it was Kankurou.

"You're the best medic-nin here right?" Kankurou asked her.

"Yes, what's your problem?"

"Well recently I've been having this sense of foreboding doom. In fact I just had it again out in the waiting room."

"Well I'd guess that your sense of foreboding doom comes from the fact that you live with Gaara."

"I guess you're right. I never thought of that. Ok bye." Said Kankurou. He knew she was wrong, but he had to get out as Tsunade was invoking his sense of doom ten times worse than Gaara ever had.


	7. The Room

A Win-Win Situation

By Topaz Talyn

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any related characters

Chapter Seven: The Room

Naruto, Lee, Gai and Neji were sitting in the Konoha secret observation room. The observation room was full of high-tech gear used for spying. There was all sorts of gear in the room and all of it served one purpose; to gather information. Tsunade being the kind woman that she was had let Naruto and his group use the room for the purpose of spying on the sand siblings. Naruto looked up from his computer console and began to speak.

"Alright we have all this stuff so we should be able to figure out Temari's next move and arrange for Shikamaru to 'accidentally' meet up with her. Are there any questions?" Neji raised his hand.

"We have all this spy equipment."

"Right"

"And we've had this room set up for years?"

"Right"

"And it constantly surveys over 90 of Konoha."

"What's your question Neji?"

"My question is if we have all this money invested in surveillance why are we constantly getting taken by surprise?"

"What?"

"Well why didn't anybody use this stuff to find Orochimaru during the chuunin exams? Why didn't anyone notice that Itachi and Kisame were in town? Why did no one simply look at the screens and say, 'I wonder, who are those four strange people leaving town with Sasuke' wouldn't it be better to use this room for actual spying instead of trying to hook up two people who don't even like each other?" Neji finished. The other three just stared at him blankly until finally Gai broke the silence

"But Neji, don't you realize that true love is the most important goal of all?" This was more than Neji could take. He stormed out muttering about how everybody was insane but him. The three other ninjas just shrugged and went back to their work.

…………………………………

Temari was happy. Tonight was Gaara's second date and there had been no terrible turn of events to prevent it.

"So, who's tonight's lucky lady?" asked Kankurou.

"Tenten."

"Who?"

"The one I fought in the exam."

"Really?"

"Yeah, you don't remember her?"

"Nope."

"That's weird."

"Well tell me about her, maybe it'll jog my memory."

"Well she….. She has….. Her specialty is….. Okay I see how you could forget her, she's kind of generic." Temari sighed.

"Well we do know one thing. And that is that she's going to meet Gaara at seven o'clock tonight at the noodle shop."

……………………………….

"…_She's going to meet Gaara at seven o'clock tonight at the noodle shop."_

Naruto smiled as he turned to Gai and Lee.

"I've got a location." The other two perked up.

"Where?" asked Lee enthusiastically

"The noodle shop, at seven o'clock tonight."

"Why would Temari be there alone?" asked Gai.

"Well she's going to be watching over Gaara who has a date with Tenten." The reaction was immediate. Gai jumped up and put his hands in the air, Lee's eyes grew even wider then they already were. Naruto just looked between the two in confusion.

"Is there something I don't know?" asked Naruto.

"Can't you tell?" shouted Gai, "It's obvious that Tenten is in love…with Neji! Given, neither Neji nor Tenten will admit to these feelings but as their sensei I can tell these things." At this point a normal person would have come to the conclusion that the reason Neji had never 'admitted his feelings' was because Neji didn't have any feelings of love for Tenten. Gai has never been a normal person. As a result Gai came to what was in his mind the only logical explanation.

"Tenten is going out with Gaara to make Neji jealous!" Lee jumped up.

"Since we're already helping one set of lovers get together, we should help Neji and Tenten too!"

"Great idea Lee!" At this point both Lee and Gai stared at Naruto with puppy dog eyes.

"Why the hell not! Let's bring Neji and Tenten together too!" This time it was not Kankurou but Neji who got a feeling of impending doom.


	8. Tenten

A Win-Win Situation

By Topaz Talyn

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any related characters

Chapter Eight: Tenten

It was the perfect plan. Lee would lead Neji to the noodle shop where upon seeing Tenten with Gaara, Neji would burst into the noodle shop and declare his undying love for Tenten. Tenten would then admit that she was just using Gaara to make Neji jealous and she would declare her undying love for him. Then Temari would storm in angry that Gaara's date had been interrupted. However once she got inside she would find none other than Shikamaru who would declare his undying love for her. Temari would be so shocked and happy that she would then declare her undying love for him too. And then Gaara would try to kill them all for using him in such a manner but he would be stopped by Naruto who would defeat Gaara. Then Sakura having seen Naruto's awesomness would declare her undying love for him, which he would reciprocate. Naruto's awesome defeat of Gaara would also be seen by the village elders who out of respect would appoint him Hokage on the spot. And with Naruto and Sakura together Kiba was free to declare his undying love to Hinata who would realize that while he wasn't as awesome as Naruto he was still a nice guy who she could learn to love. And Lee and Ino not wanting to be the only ones left single would fall in love too. And Kankurou would end up with … let's say Kurenai.

At least that's how the plan played out in Naruto's mind. Things often play out like that in Naruto's head. This was one of his better ideas. He had even charted it out on a big piece of paper. However no one else saw it working out that way.

"Wouldn't Gaara kill us all for using him like that?" asked Gai

"Who says I like Hinata?" asked Kiba who was way in denial

"What about Me? Don't I get a girl?" asked Jiraiya.

"Why can't I end up with Sakura?" asked Lee.

Kakashi sighed; it looked like he was going to have to be the voice of logic.

"It seems to me," Kakashi started, "That you're trying to tackle too many problems at once. Maybe you should just focus on trying to hook up Neji and Tenten and worry about Shikamaru and Temari later." Everyone agreed to this much simpler if less awesome plan.

…………………………..

Gaara's date with Tenten was going alright. It was hard to make conversation considering that He was the silent type and she had no characteristics whatsoever. They mostly just ate noodles in silence. In fact they're kind of boring so let's go outside.

…………………………

Temari was happy with the way this was going. Gaara hadn't killed her yet which was a good sign. Kankurou was once again whining about how he didn't want to be there, unaware that the fates were conspiring against them. And by the fates I mean Lee.

………………………….

"What is it that is so important that you had to drag me away from my training, Lee?" asked Neji angrily. Lee had burst into the Hyuuga compound shouting about something that Neji had to see. Lee had made such a ruckus that eventually Neji went just to shut him up.

"You'll see Neji, You'll see." Said Lee in what was supposed to be a mysterious voice but really just sounded silly. At that point they arrived at the noodle shop.

"Why isn't that Tenten in there." Said Lee trying his best to sound like he was surprised that Tenten was there. "Oh my. She's with someone. Isn't that Gaara?"

"Lee why the hell did you drag me out here to watch Tenten eating noodles with Gaara?"

"You can't deny your true feelings Neji!" This took Neji aback a little.

"What?"

"Don't you want to rush in and declare your undying love to Tenten?"

"Lee, are you high?"

"Neji, don't you feel like rushing in there and whisking Tenten away from Gaara so the two of you may live out your springtime of youth together?"

"What does that even mean?"

"It doesn't matter because neither of you will ruin Gaara's date." Lee and Neji turned around to see Temari and Kankurou standing behind them. Lee stood up to his full height.

"You cannot fight true love. Neji you must fight!"

"Kankurou you have to stop them from ruining the date!"

"WHAT?" yelled Neji and Kankurou simultaneously as they realized what had just happened.

……………………………

It was an intense battle. Kankurou fought because no matter what Neji did to him it couldn't be as bad as what Temari would do to him if he refused to follow her orders and fight. Neji was simply fighting in self-defense. Lee was on the sidelines cheering Neji on.

"GO NEJI! YOU ARE IN THE SPRINGTIME OF LIFE! YOU CANNOT LOSE TO HIM!" screamed Lee

"Who's winning?"

"Well Neji has the upper hand at the moment. But Kankurou could turn the tide."

"Why are they fighting anyway?"

"Well Tenten, Neji and I were here when we met Temari and..." Lee paused, "Wait a minute. Tenten, what are you doing out here?" Tenten shrugged.

"My date ended almost fifteen minutes ago." By this time both fighters had noticed the new audience members and had ceased fighting.

"Why is everyone staring at me?" wondered Tenten aloud.

"Come on let's go back to the hotel." Spoke Gaara. Kankurou and Temari followed Gaara away from the restaurant leaving a confused three man team behind. Tenten spoke first.

"So, why was Neji fighting Kankurou anyway?" asked Tenten innocently. She never got an answer as by this time Neji was chasing Lee at top speed with intent to kill. Tenten sweat dropped.

"I'll never get those guys." She sighed as she turned to walk home.


	9. Sakura

A Win-Win Situation

By Topaz Talyn

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any related characters

Chapter Nine: Sakura

Naruto was settled into the spy room. It had been a few days since there had been any activity from the sand trio. He had dismissed most of his team and was alone in the room eating instant ramen. He had nothing better to do so he decided to listen in on Kankurou and Temari.

…………………………………………..

"So who is the next lucky girl?" asked Kankurou.

"Let me check the list." Temari replied. "The Next girl is Haruno Sakura."

……………………………………………..

"**WHAT!**" screamed Naruto spraying Ramen all over the computer (Don't worry, the Hokage had made sure that there was nothing easily destroyed in the room before she let Naruto use it.) "How can Sakura be going out with Gaara when she has me? I have to stop this date, but the how do I do it." After about five minutes of deep thought Naruto decided that there was one person who could help him. He didn't want to but he had to ask Tsunade for help.

……………………………………………….

Tsunade leaned back in her chair (She does that a lot, eh?) as she listened to Naruto spew out the details. She smiled discreetly, what better way to ruin a date then to have Naruto barge in in the middle of it. Sure Gaara might kill Naruto, but hey 500 bucks is 500 bucks.

"Naruto," she began "you have to defend Sakura's honor. You must confront Gaara and stop this date."

"Of course it's all so obvious. Thank you." Tsunade smiled evilly.

"My pleasure."

And of course back in the hotel Kankurou sensed impending doom.

………………………………………………….

Unlike the previous two, this date was going quite poorly. Gaara was becoming frustrated with Sakura who seemed to have only one thing on her mind.

"So, you fought Sasuke-kun in the chuunin exams right?"

"Yeah"

"Isn't he so cool?"

"Didn't he betray your village and go to Orochimaru?"

"Well, what does that have to do with anything?"

"I was just pointing out the obvious."

"Don't worry, He'll come back soon. How can he possibly stay away if I love him so much?"

He could stay away very easily," thought Gaara, "I've only known been with you for about twenty minutes and I already want to flee. If she doesn't stop talking within the next five minutes, I'm going to have to kill her."

……………………………………………

**Four minutes and fifty five seconds later**

"Well when we were assigned to our three man team together, I knew we were destined to be together."

"_Five_" thought Gaara

"He seems so cold but I know I can melt his icy heart."

"_Four_"

"And he's such a great ninja too."

"_Three"_

"Don't you just love his hair?"

"_Two"_

"I can't think of anyone else I'd rather be with

"_One"_ thought Gaara as he reached out his hand and began to speak, "Desert cof-"

"**SAKURA-CHAN"** Distracted, Gaara lowered his hand and watched as Naruto rushed into the café.

"Sakura-chan, you shouldn't go out with him. You should go out with me. And as for you Gaara, I'm willing to fight you for Sakura."

"You can have her."

"I expected that you'd say that you- What?"

"You can have her, I don't ever want to see her again," spoke Gaara. Then adopting a more menacing tone he added, "And you had better make sure that I don't see her again." With this Gaara walked out, leaving Sakura to beat up Naruto.

……………………………………………………

Temari and Kankurou were waiting eagerly for Gaara. After the incidents at the last two dates they had decided to stay home. They both looked up as they heard the door open.

"Well how was it?" asked Temari.

"Temari."

"Yes"

"If anymore of the women you set me up with are like that…" Gaara paused dramatically, "I WILL kill you." With that Gaara retreated to his room in the hotel leaving two petrified siblings behind.

"Well," said Kankurou regaining his composure, "I guess that's a no."


	10. The New Recruit

A Win-Win Situation

By Topaz Talyn

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any related characters.

Chapter Ten: The New Recruit

Naruto and his group were sitting together at the ramen shop trying to think up a plan to get Temari and Shikamaru together. Naruto was the most vocal as usual however none of his plans were any good. Kakashi was sitting in silence, reading his book and waiting for Naruto to shut up. When Naruto reached a pause, Kakashi seized the opportunity.

"It seems to me that there is a problem with this group." Kakashi said calmly.

"What's the problem?" asked Naruto. Kakashi cleared his throat and continued.

"Well, we're trying to set up a man and a woman. And in case you haven't noticed, we're all men. We need someone who knows the way around the female mind. Someone who can tell us what Temari will want to hear. For that reason I have invited a friend here tonight to help us with that."

"Who is it, Kakashi-sensei?" asked Naruto curiously.

"It's me." Said Kurenai walking into the ramen stand.

"Kurenai, impeccable timing." Said Kakashi.

"Well when I heard that you were going to meddle in the love life of one of the rookies, how could I not come." Answered Kurenai smiling maliciously. "So who are you trying to set up? Lee and Sakura? Naruto and Sakura? Hinata and Naruto? Neji and Tenten?"

"Why does everyone think that I'm going to fall in love with Tenten?" asked Neji.

"Maybe it's your fate." Replied Kakashi sarcastically causing Neji to fume angrily in his seat.

"None of them. We're trying to repair Temari and Shikamaru's relationship." Naruto told her. Kurenai paused for a minute. Then turning to the group she asked,

"Who's Temari?"

"Sand ninja, Gaara's sister." Answered Naruto.

"I didn't know they were going out."

"Well Shikamaru's a pretty quiet guy."

"I guess you're right. So anyway, here's what you have to do." The group got into a huddle as Kurenai began to explain her plan.

……………………………………..

And back at the hotel, Kankurou felt, you guessed it, a sense of impending doom.


	11. More Plotting

A Win-Win Situation

By Topaz Talyn

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any related characters

Chapter Eleven: More Plotting

Using Kurenai's feminine intuition the group came up with a simple plan to unite Shikamaru and Temari once and for all. They would send each of them a note telling them to meet in the park on Tuesday and when the two showed up they would be forced to work things out. Everyone thought it was a great plan until Neji pointed something out.

"If they see each other in the park and don't want to talk, can't they just leave?" Naruto put his chin in his hand and tried to think up a solution to this problem. Suddenly it hit him.

"They can't leave if they can't move. We just get Shikamaru to use the Kage Mane no jutsu to hold Temari in place!" Naruto was so proud of himself until he saw everyone starring at him and realized the flaw in his plan.

"Actually, Naruto's idea itself isn't so bad. The only problem is that we can't use Shikamaru. So who else has a jutsu that can control people?" Answers began coming from the crowd.

"Ino" said Jiraiya.

"Kankurou" said Kiba

"Shikamaru's dad" said Lee

"Orochimaru" yelled Naruto. Everyone stopped at starred at Naruto once again. Naruto pouted, "I was just pointing it out."

"Alright it seems that Ino is the best choice," said Kakashi, "Now who knows Ino?"

"SHIKAMARU." Exclaimed Naruto causing Kiba to punch him.

"Thank you Kiba, now I would like to point out that we need someone who not only knows Ino but can assert some degree of control over her. We also want someone who we can easily coerce. We can't enlist any more gennins into this scheme so we need a chuunin or jounin. A person who we can bribe easily, perhaps through some obsessive habit which this person has. Now do you all catch my drift?" One by one the group members grasped who exactly Kakashi was talking about, except Naruto, but he doesn't count. Kakashi smiled evilly (Not that you could tell.) and continued, "And I think I know who can convince him to join us." The entire group turned to look at Kurenai.

"Why are you all looking at me?" Kurenai asked nervously as the group closed in on her. Kakashi still smiling evilly was the first to speak.

"We all know that he has the hots for you." Kurenai's eyes widened and she began to blush.

"Wait, Chouji likes Kurenai?" asked Naruto earning him another hit from Kiba.

"We're not talking about Chouji you idiot." Kiba said.

"Well then who are you…" At that moment Naruto got it. He began to grin, "Oh I see."

………………………………………….

This time it was not Kankurou but Asuma who felt a sudden sense of impending doom.


	12. Asuma's Weakness

A Win-Win Situation

By Topaz Talyn

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any related characters

Chapter Twelve: Asuma's Weakness

Team ten was patiently waiting for their sensei to show up. It was unlike him to be late. Shikamaru was playing a game of shougi against Chouji and obviously winning. Ino was pacing around and grousing about one thing or another.

When Asuma did show up there was something different about him. It was as if he was missing something. None of them could really put their finger on it but there was definitely something odd about Asuma today. As he drew closer Asuma took a scroll out of his vest.

"Shikamaru, this scroll contains a mission for you." Asuma said. Shikamaru sighed.

"What is it?"

"It says that there is a delegation from the Sand currently in Konoha and that you must meet with one of them. The meeting will take place today at one o'clock in the Konoha Park. And Shikamaru, I can't stress this enough, this is a diplomatic mission. That means that no matter how troublesome you find the meeting you are not allowed to say so." Shikamaru looked as if a giant weight had just been dropped on him. Not only did he have to go on a troublesome mission but he wasn't allowed to be himself. This truly was troublesome.

Shikamaru sighed as he got up to go to the park. He grumbled along the way. When Shikamaru was out of sight Asuma turned to his two remaining students.

"Ino I need to speak with you." Asuma looked at Chouji, "Alone." As Chouji got up to leave, Ino wondered what Asuma could possibly want to talk to her about.

"Ino," Asuma began, "I've noticed that your Shintenshin no Jutsu has been faltering. And as such I have devised a practice for you." Asuma smirked, "You should actually find this training fun. You have to follow Shikamaru to the park. In the park Shikamaru will meet Temari. When he does I want you to jump into Temari's mind and have her confess her love for Shikamaru."

"Why would I do that? Asuma-sensei, who put you up to this?" Asuma began to sweat.

"No one put me up to this, I just thought it would be good training, plus it would really help relationships between the Sand and the Leaf." Asuma spewed out.

"Oh, I see. Well I'll do my best Asuma-sensei. Bye." With that Ino skipped off to the park. Asuma sighed in relief. He had never expected her to go along with it. It was all Kurenai's fault. She had done the unthinkable. The one thing that could have made him do this. As he was moping Chouji came back up to him.

"Asuma-sensei, I can't put my finger on it but something is different about you today. It's as if something's missing. Are you alright?"

"Yes Chouji, I'm fine. Since the others are gone do want to go to lunch?" At the mention of food Chouji immediately forgot all about everything else.

………………………………………

"So, did you do it?" Kurenai asked.

"Yes I did, Ino is going to make Temari confess her love to Shikamaru. Now what about your end of the bargain?"

"Don't be so impatient Asuma."

"But I need it now!" Kurenai sighed.

"Alright, here you go." Kurenai said holding out two packs of cigarettes and a silver lighter. Asuma pounced on them.

"I missed you so much. Yes I did. Don't ever leave me again." Kurenai rolled her eyes.

"You really need to cut down Asuma."

…………………………………………

Meanwhile at the hotel occupied by the sand siblings, Temari was getting ready to leave for a meeting.

"Who am I meeting again Kankurou?"

"Oh just some Leaf chuunin who wants to talk about Sand-Leaf relationships." Kankurou responded while smirking.

"Alright then, see you later." As soon as Temari left Kankurou smiled evilly. Temari had dragged him all over the village of Konoha so when Naruto approached him with the plan, he had eagerly agreed. Kankurou began to laugh evilly.

Outside the hotel, Temari got a sense of impending doom.


	13. The Set Up

A Win-Win Situation

By Topaz Talyn

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any related characters

Chapter Thirteen: The Set-Up

Temari was waiting patiently for this leaf shinobi, whoever he was to show up. She expected that it would be some low level chuunin who would speak with her about Konoha's economic interests in Suna. She was right about half of that.

……………………………………..

Shikamaru was making his way towards the park ever so slowly. Ino was following him silently. She was using all her ninja skills to tail him. She was silent, she was deadly. She was like a tiger stalking her prey. He would never know what hit him. She was invisible.

"Ino, I know you're there."

"What? How did you know?" asked Ino as she stepped out of the bush she had been using for cover. Shikamaru just sighed.

"Ino, I'm a ninja. I'm supposed to know if I'm being trailed. Now what do you want?"

"Nothing!" Ino said trying her best to smile and stay calm. Shikamaru raised an eyebrow.

"Whatever. Just stop following me." Shikamaru shrugged and walked off leaving Ino both amazed and a little bit pissed.

"Well fine!" she shouted, "I'm going home!" and with that Ino stomped off towards her house.

……………………………………

"Is everything all set?"

"Yes."

"Alright, I'm in position now."

Naruto was hiding in the bushes in the park watching Temari and waiting for Shikamaru to show up. He was going to see them together if it killed him. (Which knowing Temari, It might) Finally Shikamaru strolled into the clearing. The pair's first reaction was not what Naruto had hoped for.

………………………………….

"YOU!" yelled Temari

"YOU!" yelled Shikamaru

"What are you doing here?" they both asked simultaneously.

"Well I was told to meet a leaf ninja here in order to talk about the relationships between our villages."

"Oh I see what's happening." Shikamaru said, "Someone is trying to pull a prank on both of us. Well forget that, I'm going home."

"WAIT!" shouted Naruto jumping out of the bushes. Temari and Shikamaru just stared at him. He continued, "I know that you two had some sort of fight, but I don't think you should end your relationship because of that. People need to work through these problems that's how love is strengthened. Now why don't you two just kiss and make up?"

"Um, Naruto." Shikamaru said

"What?"

"Temari and I have never gone out together."

"…WHAT?"

"It's true. We didn't have a fight, I've just never been able to stand this lazy bum."

"Really?" Naruto was extremely confused. How could this be true?

"You mean I went through all that work to set you guys up for nothing?" Naruto shouted. Anybody else would have realized that that was the exact wrong thing to say.

"You've been trying to set us up?" Temari asked with flames in her eyes. Naruto immediately realized the grave peril he was in.

"Well other people helped too. It was really a group eff…" Naruto's sentence remained unfinished as Temari smacked him into the distance with her fan. Temari then turned to Shikamaru.

"Now as for you, I don't ever want to see you again." Temari said

"Works for me." shrugged Shikamaru

……………………………………

"Well how did it go Naruto?"

"Are they together?"

"Did they kiss?" The group was barraging Naruto with questions.

"Please, I have an announcement." Naruto began "We have made a grave mistake. We thought that Shikamaru and Temari were in love with each other but it turns out that we were wrong. There relationship will never happen and there is one good reason why."

Everyone leaned in to hear Naruto's reason.

"Because Shikamaru is in love with INO!" Naruto finished.

The group just stared at him. One by one they started to leave. They all felt very silly for listening to Naruto in the first place. Naruto meanwhile was swearing to help bring Shikamaru and Ino together no matter what.

……………………………………….

Across town in her room Ino felt something that has been felt by many people recently. You guessed it, Ino felt a sense of impending doom.


	14. Hinata

A Win-Win Situation

By Topaz Talyn

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any related characters

Chapter Fourteen: Hinata

Kiba was furious. During that day's training session he had overheard Kurenai and Hinata talking to each other. Hinata had told Kurenai that she had a date with Gaara that very night. Kurenai had congratulated Hinata on her new love life causing Hinata to blush furiously. Kiba had been quietly seething throughout this conversation. He had to stop Hinata's date from happening. So Kiba went to the only person who would help him.

……………………………………

"….No"

"Come on Shino." Kiba begged his quiet comrade to help him in stopping Hinata's potential romance.

"Kiba, why is this so important to you?"

"Because"

Shino sighed. He was well aware of the fact that Kiba had a major crush on Hinata. He was also aware that Kiba would sooner die than admit this fact to anybody. But just because Kiba didn't admit it didn't mean that it wasn't obvious. Well at least it was obvious to Shino who spent almost every day with the two of them. Shino also knew that Kiba was stupid enough to do something like attack Gaara in order to claim Hinata for himself. There was nothing that Kiba could say to convince him to do this.

"Kankurou's going to be there." Kiba said. Shino's eyes narrowed (not that you can tell)

"Let's Go."

………………………………………

Outside the restaurant, Kankurou stiffened. He had felt the sense of impending doom before but it had never been this strong. Temari noticed his odd posture.

"What's wrong?" she asked

"Nothing much, I just can't shake this foreboding feeling."

"You've been getting that a lot lately. You really should see someone about it. Now shut up I think they're going to start talking."

………………………………………

Inside Gaara and Hinata were sitting across from each other in the booth. Both were silent however.

Gaara was not speaking because he was a naturally silent type. He was trying his best to look friendly and inviting. But since he's Gaara he ended up looking homicidal and evil.

Hinata was not speaking because she was too frightened to even move. What they need is a convenient and loud distraction. Such a diversion will enter in 3..2..1

"GAARA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH HINATA?" Gaara twisted in his seat to see Kiba standing in the doorway. HE wondered if all Konoha boys were like this.

………………………………………………..

Outside Temari was shocked at the new development. (I don't know why she was so shocked since this has happened on almost all of Gaara's dates) She knew that something had to be done immediately. She grabbed her ultra intimidating giant fan and prepared for a battle.

"Kankurou, let's go!" she shouted. There was no response. She turned around just in time to see Kankurou running for his life from Shino, who despite having 90 of his face covered, was managing to look incredibly pissed. Temari just shrugged and charged into the restaurant.

……………………………………………….

Inside the restaurant the most awkward moment ever was transpiring. Kiba having charged in and made his big speech was now just standing in the doorway and looking angry. Gaara was blankly staring at Kiba. Hinata was blushing and hyperventilating out of fear.

Then Temari charged in and whacked Kiba over the head with her gigantic fan. The rest of the customers, most of them being ninjas jumped into the brawl and chaos erupted in the restaurant.

Gaara took this opportunity to sneak out and go back to the hotel.

Hinata took the opportunity to faint.

……………………………………

The next day at practice Kurenai looked at her students and decided not to ask what had happened.

Kiba was covered in bruises and had a large bump on his head.

Hinata was blushing tomato red and couldn't even look at Kiba. While Kurenai could deal with this, Kiba often got in fights and Hinata was often shy. She could not deal with Shino.

Shino was standing perfectly still with a huge maniacal grin on his face.

……………………………………….

Back at the sand siblings hotel Temari was looking at her list desperately. Kankurou was in the corner rocking back and forth and muttering something about beetles.

Temari was in a desperate position, all of Gaara's dates so far had gone poorly. This meant that she would have to move on to the next name on her list. She had tried to think of someone else but there was no one. She quietly read the name to herself.

_Mitarashi Anko_. She gulped.

……………………………………..

While it was an odd phenomenon, every single person in Konoha. Every ninja, and every civilian. From the academy students to the Hokage. All of them felt a sense of impending doom.


	15. Emergency Situation

A Win-Win Situation

By Topaz Talyn

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any related characters

Chapter Fifteen: Emergency Situation

Tsunade was sitting in her office looking over the latest batch of missions. On the top of the pile was a file marked URGENT. It was a mission which had to be completed that very night. Sighing, Tsunade called to Shizune to send her a jounin for the mission. Five minutes later Mitarashi Anko walked through the door.

"Anko, I have a mission that needs to be completed tonight and…"

"Sorry, I'm busy." Anko said. Tsunade raised an eyebrow.

"What exactly, may I ask, are you doing?" asked Tsunade

"I've got a date." Anko said smiling. Tsunade smiled back at her. It would be healthy for Anko to have a normal relationship for a change.

"So who's the lucky man?"

"Gaara. His sister set us up." Despite being the best ninja in the village, Tsunade fell out of her chair in shock.

"WHAT? Why are you going? Isn't he like ten years younger than you?"

"Well yeah, but a free meal is a free meal. Plus he seems like my kind of guy." Tsunade grimaced remembering the last person who had been Anko's kind of guy. While Tsunade was thinking Anko looked up at the clock and noticed the time.

"Well I have to go and get ready. I'll see you later." Anko said as she left

Tsunade stood dumfounded in her office for a full minute after Anko left then snapping into action she got on the intercom and ordered Shizune to round up every available ninja in the village. She knew that she somehow had to stop Anko's date. If Anko and Gaara were to join forces they could very well destroy Konoha. She would need the most elite team of ninjas ever assembled in the history of the Leaf village.

…………………………………………

Looking over the assembled group Tsunade frowned. When she had asked for an elite team this was not what she had in mind. Seeing as Konoha had such a heavy mission load recently the ninjas who were available weren't exactly A material.

Tsunade explained the situation patiently and then sent her team away. She sighed. Things were going to get very interesting very soon. Watching the group of ninjas as they left Tsunade felt… If I have to tell you at this point what Tsunade felt you haven't been paying attention.

………………………………………..

Next Time on A Win-Win Situation: Anko vs. the Not-So-Super team.

**Author's Note: **I'm taking a break for the holidays so I thought that I would leave you all with a cliff hanger. Expect the next update around New Years.


	16. The Not So Super Team

A Win-Win Situation

By Topaz Talyn

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any related characters

Chapter Sixteen: The Not-So-Super Team.

Now everyone remembers the super team. The best genins in Konoha joined forces in a desperate situation to rescue Sasuke. Well now the village is facing another crisis, Anko has a date with Gaara. Unfortunately the super team was not available. So in a pinch Tsunade whipped up a group of lesser known ninjas, ninjas who despite their higher ranks were as skilled as the genin class. Ninjas who had had almost no screen time at all. They were… THE NOT-SO-SUPER TEAM!

To lead the team Tsunade tried to recruit everyone's favorite examiner but unfortunately Hayate was dead. SO she decided to recruit everyone's SECOND favorite examiner, but that was Anko. SO Tsunade finally settled on everyone's THIRD favorite examiner, Shiranui Genma. With Genma's strong leadership qualities and nifty backwards bandana He was a perfect choice.

The next person Tsunade needed was a jounin teacher, but since Kurenai, Kakashi, Asuma, and even Gai were all busy she turned to the one person left, Ebisu. The closet pervert who holds the record for flying further from a nosebleed than anyone has ever flown before.

The next thing Tsunade needed was a strong kunoichi. She wanted the village's strongest women but unfortunately that was Anko again, and Sakura wouldn't become ridiculously awesome for another two weeks or so. She couldn't use Shizune because if Shizune left than Tsunade might have to actually DO some of the paperwork. SO Tsunade once again scraped the bottom of the barrel and came up with Inuzuka Hana. Inuzuka Hana was Kiba's sister and apparently also worked with dogs.

Now you've probably noticed that there is a vital element missing from this team, I speak of course of facial hair. To fill this void Tsunade summoned the man who possessed the awesomest beard in all the fire country, Iwashi.

And last but not least there was Baki…. Wait, BAKI?

"I'm just as confused as you are." Said Baki.

And there you have it the Not-so-super team perhaps the sixth or even fifth five man team ever assembled to stop a crazy jounin from going on a date with a homicidal maniac. (You'd be surprised how often this happens in Konoha.)

"So who are we up against?" asked Genma. Tsunade frowned.

"You have to stop Anko and Gaara from hooking up by any means necessary."

All five member of the team felt a gigantic sense of impending doom.

…………………………………….

**Author's Note:** Sorry for being late, I went home for the holidays thinking that I could work on my story there. But I left my notes about who was in the not-so-super team at college and had to wait until I got back to write this chapter. Also I plan to spin the not-so-super team off into their own story, so look out for that.


	17. Even More Plotting

A Win-Win Situation

By Topaz Talyn

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any related characters

Chapter Seventeen: Even More Plotting

"Alright" said Genma, "The first thing we have to do is find out what special skills everyone offers to the party. I for one can throw senbon using only my mouth."

"How does one develop a talent like that?" asked Iwashi.

"I don't have to tell you." Said Genma with really shifty eyes, almost as if he had a drawn out angsty back story. But he didn't because he's just Genma.

"So what other talents do we have on this team?" Asked Genma again.

"Well I can communicate with dogs and I have super smell." Said Hana

"Can't say I didn't notice the super smell." Whispered Iwashi to Ebisu.

TWACK, Hana hit Iwashi in the back of his head. "I also have super hearing." She said

"Noted." Said Iwashi rubbing his skull.

"Well I have the ability to use a wind sword. I remember one time I used it on this coughing guy and…" Baki turned to see the rest of his team giving him death glares at which point he remembered who exactly the coughing man had been. "I umm have to go to the bathroom." Baki said running off as fast as he could.

Ebisu cleared his throat and started to speak, "My special ability is to…"

"Oh I know, to fly long distances using only the blood from your nose?" guessed Iwashi

"No, I can…"

"Oh I know you have the ability to watch the women's baths and rarely get caught." Said Hana

"What? I do not. Anyway as I was saying."

"You have the ability to loose to Naruto?" asked Baki who had apparently returned from the bathroom

"That was once. But my true ability is…"

"You're a closet pervert." Said Genma

"Now that wasn't even a guess that was just an insult. My true gift is knowledge, I know more about this village than most other people." There was a pause

"But you can still do all that other stuff, right?" asked Iwashi. Ebisu just sighed.

"Now we come to the final member of our team, Iwashi. So what can you do Iwashi?"

Iwashi stood up proudly. "Well I can do basic ninja moves. Oh and one time I think I worked on a computer."

"Then why are you here?" asked Genma

"Ibiki was busy" shrugged Iwashi.

Genma stared at his team and felt something that most people in Konoha have felt at some point or another during this ordeal. You guessed it, a sense of impending doom.


	18. The Trap

A Win-Win Situation

By Topaz Talyn

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any related characters

Chapter Eighteen: The Trap

"So does anyone here have any idea of how to stop Anko from getting to the restaurant and her date with Gaara?" asked Genma. Hana, Iwashi, and Ebisu immediately raised their hands. Genma pointed at Hana.

"We could sic a very large dog on her!" Hana suggested with pride

"No, she could just kill the dog." Genma said. Hana got a look of horror in her eyes before withdrawing her suggestion.

"We could lure her into the bathhouse and then…"

"NEXT!" Genma shouted before Ebisu could even finish.

"I could stab her with my extremely pointy beard." Said Iwashi. Everyone just stared at him. Then someone started chuckling. Hana, Iwashi, Genma, and Ebisu turned to see Baki laughing at them.

"Fools," Baki said, "I have already set up the perfect trap to catch Anko. First I set a plate of dango on the ground. Then I set up a cardboard box over the dango. Since Anko is a person I used a very large cardboard box. Holding this box up is a stick. When Anko goes for the dango she will knock the stick over thus activating the trap. I even installed a bell so that we will know when she is trapped. It's perfect."

"Baki, that is possibly the dumbest…"

DING DING DING

Baki just smiled as he led the others towards his trap. Indeed Anko was in it. However the Not-So-Super team had forgotten one thing.

Anko had enough weaponry on her to cut her way out of thousands of cardboard boxes.

As Anko began to advance on the NSS team they all felt a deep sense of impending doom, and the rest of Konoha knowing that the NSS team had failed to prevent Anko's date felt an even deeper sense of impending doom.

…………………………………………………..

**Author's Note: **Alright, Anko and Gaara's date is next chapter. So get ready.


	19. Anko

A Win-Win Situation

By Topaz Talyn

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any related characters

Chapter Nineteen: Anko

Gaara was patiently waiting in the restaurant for his date. While he waited he thought about just how long it had been since his last appearance. He also thought about how late this Anko person was.

"Well hopefully she'll be less boring than the rest of the girls." Thought Gaara He didn't know how soon he'd be regretting that wish.

…………………………….

Anko rushed towards the restaurant and her date. As she skidded in she quickly noticed the sand boy in his booth and tried to flip into the seat across from him without ever stopping her movement.

BONK

Anko had forgotten that one cannot flip over Gaara because of his automatic sand defense. After hitting the wall of solid sand with that much momentum, Anko fell unconscious on the ground.

………………………..

Gaara stared blankly at the knocked out woman on the ground in front of him. He had no idea what to do. What he needed now was some good advice.

"**_KILL HER! KILL HER AND THEN KILL EVERYONE WHO WITNESED YOU KILLING HER AND THEN KILL EVERYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD! MUA HA HA HA HA!"_**

Gaara sighed. He wished that he had someone better than the shukaku to give him advice. But since he didn't, he just stood there staring at the unconscious Anko.

"Alright," he thought, "If she's still out in five minutes, then I'll kill her." Fortunately for Anko she woke up at that moment. Seeing Gaara standing over her she made the only logical conclusion.

Now at this point I should explain that what passes for a logical conclusion in Anko's brain would not pass for a logical conclusion in the brain of any other person in the universe.

"You were going to feel me up while I was passed out weren't you?" screamed Anko at Gaara.

Gaara in his typical calm demeanor simply stared at Anko for another few seconds and then asked, "What?"

"Oh I know your type. You knock a girl out because she's 'trying to kill you' and then while she's unconscious you feel her boobs. It's always the quiet ones. Well I am not going to stand for it. I say good day sir!" and with this Anko stormed out of the restaurant leaving Gaara alone and very confused.

"Okay, that was weird." And if Gaara said that something was weird you know it had to be weird.

………………………….

And with Gaara's dates being over the feeling of impending doom ended in Konoha. But in the village of the sound Sasuke was feeling a sense of impending doom which had less to do with Gaara's love life and more to do with the fact that Orochimaru was chasing after him wearing nothing put a pink bathrobe.

**Author's Note:** I am a lazy bum aren't I? Sorry it took so long. Writer's block. But don't worry I'm over it. Expect the ending of the story by next week. Same Win-Win time. Same Win-Win channel.


	20. False Ending 1 Sakura

A Win-Win Situation

By Topaz Talyn

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any related characters

Chapter Twenty: Ending 1

All five girls had received the same strange invitation.

_Come to Training Ground 5 at 9 pm on Saturday for the final selection._

_-Temari_

Perhaps it was curiosity or perhaps something deeper but none of them could resist the invitation.

……………………………………

That Saturday at 9pm Anko, Sakura, Hinata, Ino, and Tenten were all assembled at training ground number five.

Five minutes later Gaara arrived flanked by Temari and Kankurou. He looked at each one of the girls then turned to Temari.

"Why am I here, Temari?" Gaara asked calmly.

"Well to pick which one of these girls you want to continue to go out with."

"WHAT?" shouted the Konohan girls in unison. Gaara thought for a minute and then spoke.

"How about Sakura."

"EWWW! Like I would ever date you loser. Sasuke is so much cooler!"

Sakura had clearly forgotten one of the most important rules of society. That rule is, Don't piss Gaara off. Sakura will realize her mistake in 3. 2. 1.

**CRUNCH!**

As the sand returned to his gourd Gaara turned to the assembled crowd.

"Anyone else have any comments?" All of them shook there head. "Good, now I'm going home."

…………………………………

The bus ride back to the sand was mostly quiet until Temari turned to Gaara and asked,

"Don't you regret killing that girl at all?"

"What's the worst that could happen?" asked Gaara

……………………………………….

THREE YEARS LATER

"Well I guess killing Sakura was a mistake after all" thought Gaara as Sasori began to extract the demon from him.

…………………………………………

**THAT'S WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED**

**BUT HOW ABOUT THIS?**

**Author's Note:** I watched 'Clue' last week and was inspired to write multiple endings.


	21. False Ending 2 The Waynes World Ending

A Win-Win Situation

By Topaz Talyn

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any related characters

Chapter 21: Ending 2

All five girls had received the same strange invitation.

_Come to Training Ground 5 at 9 pm on Saturday for the final selection._

_-Temari_

Perhaps it was curiosity or perhaps something deeper but none of them could resist the invitation.

……………………………………

That Saturday at 9pm Anko, Sakura, Hinata, Ino, and Tenten were all assembled at training ground number five.

Five minutes later Gaara arrived flanked by Temari and Kankurou. He looked at each one of the girls then turned to Temari.

"Why am I here, Temari?" Gaara asked calmly.

"Well to pick which one of these girls you want to continue to go out with."

"WHAT?" shouted the Konohan girls in unison. Gaara thought for a minute and then spoke.

"I choose Ino"

"Well you can't have her!" said a voice in the trees. Everyone looked up and saw… Sasuke!

Sasuke jumped down to the ground and continued to speak. "Only after I left the village did I realize that I really did love her all along. So Ino the choice is now yours. Who do you choose?"

"Duh. I choose Sasuke" Ino and Sasuke then shared an embrace.

………………………………..

**Six Months Later**

"I love you so much Sasuke." Said Ino embracing her boyfriend.

"Well you didn't think she was going to end up with GAARA did you?" asked Sasuke.

……………………………..

"Wait a minute. That ending sucked." Said Kankurou interrupting the scene.

"I agree." said Temari

"Shall we change it?"

"Yeah"

Both Kankurou and Temari started waving their hands up and down.

Doodlie doo doodlie doo doodlie doo doodlie doo and the screen blurred.

**Author's Note:** Sorry for the delay. And thanks to the guy who suggested a Wayne's World ending. Party on dude!


	22. False Ending 3 The Happy Ending

A Win-Win Situation

By Topaz Talyn

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any related characters

Chapter 22: Ending 3 – The happy ending

All five girls had received the same strange invitation.

_Come to Training Ground 5 at 9 pm on Saturday for the final selection._

_-Temari_

Perhaps it was curiosity or perhaps something deeper but none of them could resist the invitation.

……………………………………

That Saturday at 9pm Anko, Sakura, Hinata, Ino, and Tenten were all assembled at training ground number five.

Five minutes later Gaara arrived flanked by Temari and Kankurou. He looked at each one of the girls then turned to Temari.

"Why am I here, Temari?" Gaara asked calmly.

"Well to pick which one of these girls you want to continue to go out with."

"WHAT?" shouted the Konohan girls in unison. Gaara thought for a minute and then spoke.

"I choose Tenten."

"Thank you Gaara. I hope we have a great future together I love you." Responded Tenten

"Because of the power of love I now no longer desire to kill people!" said Gaara. Then Ino and Sakura stepped up.

"This display of love has taught us not to be such obsessive fangirls we're going to reform our ways. Oh and we're friends again" Said Sakura as Ino nodded beside her. Then Hinata stepped up.

"I've learned that I will get nowhere by being shy so I'm going to go declare my love to Naruto right now!"

"I've learned that violence is not the answer. I'm going to re dedicate my life to finding cures for diseases." Said Anko.

"I've learned that abusing Kankurou is wrong. I've also realized that using a fan is a stupid way to fight. I'm going to go home and re train" Said Temari

"I've learned that the main house is not responsible for all of my troubles and I might even find it in my heart to forgive them." Said Neji as he and the rest of Konoha stepped out of the bushes.

"I've learned to stop being so perverted. I'm going to stop writing porn and I'm going to stop peeping on girls." Said Jiraiya

"I've learned the evils of gambling and I'm going top join a support program." Stated Tsunade proudly

"I've learned not to meddle in other peoples affairs" said Naruto

"We've learned that hurting people is bad. We're all going to found an orphanage." Said Orochimaru, Kabuto, Sasuke, Itachi, and Kisame in unison

"I'm going to start showing up on time" said Kakashi

"HOLD IT!" shouted Kankurou, "Doesn't this all seem a little unrealistic to any of you."

"Now that you mention it, it does." Said Temari. "You know I bet that this is…."

"A DREAM SEQUENCE!" everyone shouted in unison

…………………………………………….

"Aggggggh!" screamed Iruka waking up suddenly.

"What is it Iruka?" asked Shizune

"I just had the weirdest dream."

"Well go back to bed!"

"Okay"

….

"Hey Shizune."

"Yeah?"

"Why are you in my bed?"

"I'm not really sure."

**THAT'S WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED**

**BUT HOW ABOUT THIS?**

**Author's Note: **I hate dream sequence endings. So I decided to parody them. Next Chapter: What a Twist!


	23. False Ending 4 The Twist Ending

A Win-Win Situation

By Topaz Talyn

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any related characters

Chapter 22: Ending 4 – The Twist ending

All five girls had received the same strange invitation.

_Come to Training Ground 5 at 9 pm on Saturday for the final selection._

_-Temari_

Perhaps it was curiosity or perhaps something deeper but none of them could resist the invitation.

……………………………………

That Saturday at 9pm Anko, Sakura, Hinata, Ino, and Tenten were all assembled at training ground number five.

Five minutes later Gaara arrived flanked by Temari and Kankurou. He looked at each one of the girls then turned to Temari.

"Why am I here, Temari?" Gaara asked calmly.

"Well to pick which one of these girls you want to continue to go out with."

"WHAT?" shouted the Konohan girls in unison. Gaara thought for a minute and then spoke.

"I choose Hinata." Said Gaara. Hinata nervously stepped forward.

"Gaara. I don't think I can date you." Said Hinata meekly

"Why not?" asked Gaara

"Well. You See. I'm actually a man." Said Hinata. Everyone just stared at her the only one who seemed unfazed was Gaara.

"Alright." Said Gaara, "If I can't date Hinata then how about Ino?"

"Well Gaara, the truth is that I'm dead. You have the ability to see ghosts! No one else sees me."

Gaara looked around. Everyone was indeed starring at him. So he decided to move on.

"Sakura? How about you?" Gaara asked hopefully.

"Ha Ha! I'm not actually Sakura." Said Sakura pulling of her wig to reveal a balding man, "I killed Sakura and disguised myself as her. I'm actually international criminal mastermind Keyser Soze!"

"That's kind of farfetched. Tenten, how about you?" said Gaara. Tenten shrugged.

"I don't exist. You have multiple personalities."

"I know. That's not a twist."

"I meant besides the demon. If you look back throughout our meeting you'll see that no one actually notices me." Said Tenten

"I thought that was because you have no personality."

"I do too!"

"No you don't. Now moving on, Anko are you available?" Anko looked around nervously before declaring

"Gaara. I am your Father!" Gaara raised an eyebrow (Or at least he tried)

"No your not."

"Alright I'm not," Anko confessed, "But everyone else had such a cool twist and I want one too! Rosebud's a sled!"

"Not working" said Temari

"Soylent Green is People!" tried Anko

"Just stop." Said Kankurou

"I'm actually working for the president of the USA who is your twin brother!"

"Now that's just silly." Said Gaara as he Temari and Kankurou left Anko in the clearing. Anko just sighed. She had really wanted a twist ending.

**THAT'S WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED**

**BUT HOW ABOUT THIS?**

**Author's Note: **In Case you didn't know the endings referenced are from: _The Crying Game, The Sixth Sense, The Usual Suspects, Fight Club, Star Wars, Citizen Cane, Soylent Green_ and one ending from _Metal Gear Solid_. One more fake ending left.


	24. False Ending 5 The Child

A Win-Win Situation

By Topaz Talyn

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any related characters

Chapter 24: False Ending 5: The Children

All five girls had received the same strange invitation.

_Come to Training Ground 5 at 9 pm on Saturday for the final selection._

_-Temari_

Perhaps it was curiosity or perhaps something deeper but none of them could resist the invitation.

……………………………………

That Saturday at 9pm Anko, Sakura, Hinata, Ino, and Tenten were all assembled at training ground number five.

Five minutes later Gaara arrived flanked by Temari and Kankurou. He looked at each one of the girls then turned to Temari.

"Why am I here, Temari?" Gaara asked calmly.

"Well to pick which one of these girls you want to continue to go out with."

"WHAT?" shouted the Konohan girls in unison. Gaara thought for a minute and then spoke.

"I choose Anko." Said Gaara

"I knew you'd make the right choice kid!" Anko shouted

…………………………………………

25 YEARS LATER

Naruto had wanted to be Hokage but not like this. He was being named Hokage because he was one of the few ninjas left alive in Konoha. The other villages had been hit hard too, all except the Sand. The reason for all these deaths was an energetic but homicidal teenage girl named Sabaku no Kasumi. Naruto sat down with his top advisor, Shikamaru (Who had been too lazy to accept the Hokage position).

"So," Naruto began, "Who's left?"

"No one sir." Said Shikamaru checking his list.

"WHAT?"

"We have no ninjas left."

"What about Shino?" asked Naruto

"Kasumi thought he was too antisocial and killed him."

"Kiba?"

"Kasumi was jealous of his senses and killed him."

"Lee?"

"Kasumi said he was too hideous to live."

"We could call Jiraiya out of retirement." Naruto offered.

"Well sir, the less said about what happened to Jiraiya the better."

"Let me guess he was peeping on her?"

"No he wasn't. She took that as an insult and killed him, and then she killed the girls whom he was peeping on. Then she killed…"

"I get the picture." Naruto interrupted

"So what should we do?" asked Shikamaru

"The only thing we can."

"Which is?"

"Quit ninjaing and move into a safer business."

"Like what?"

"How about nuclear weaponry?"

………………………………………………..

And so thanks to Sabaku no Kasumi the ninja villages dissolved and the sense of impending doom which had been so widely felt was now no longer impending. It was there.

**THAT'S HOW IT COULD HAVE HAPPENED**

**BUT HERE'S HOW IT REALLY HAPPENED…**

**Author's Note:** Next Chapter is the End. The REAL ENDING! Also, Sorry for the delay. Finals suck, the next chapter will be up around the end of the month. Probably.


	25. The End

A Win-Win Situation

By Topaz Talyn

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any related characters

Chapter 25: The End

All five girls had received the same strange invitation.

_Come to Training Ground 5 at 9 pm on Saturday for the final selection._

_-Temari_

Perhaps it was curiosity or perhaps something deeper but none of them could resist the invitation.

……………………………………

That Saturday at 9pm Anko, Sakura, Hinata, Ino, and Tenten were all assembled at training ground number five.

Five minutes later Gaara arrived flanked by Temari and Kankurou. He looked at each one of the girls then turned to Temari.

"Why am I here, Temari?" Gaara asked calmly.

"Well to pick which one of these girls you want to continue to go out with."

"WHAT?" shouted the Konohan girls in unison. Gaara thought for a minute and then spoke.

"Well I obviously have only one choice." Said Gaara

"And that is?" asked Temari

"None of them." Gaara said calmly

"WHAT?" shouted the Konohan girls in unison for the second time.

"Well even if I did have some interest in them, I'm only twelve. Plus I have more important things to deal with at the moment. I have my ninja career to worry about. So I'm sorry but I can't go out with any of you girls at this point in time."

"At this point in time? So you'll be coming back?" asked Kankurou

"Probably: shrugged Gaara. It was true he could go for any of the girls. Ino's beauty, Tenten's skill, Hinata's personality, Anko's sex appeal, and Sakura's…. well maybe not Sakura. And with that thought the sand siblings left Konoha leaving all the girls in a stupor.

Until one thought stuck out; Gaara would be coming back. This thought made all of them feel something which had become familiar to all Konohan residents recently. You know what it is.

……………………………………………

"Tsunade-sama!" Shizune yelled the next morning. Well actually it was afternoon but Tsunade was still asleep. The Hokage gurgled as she woke up.

"Whaaaaa?" she asked still half asleep.

"Gaara and his siblings have just left the village and all of our kunoichis are still here. He left single and the village is peaceful again." Shizune told the Hokage.

"Good." Tsunade muttered as she began to fall back asleep. Suddenly she snapped awake.

"Gaara….Left….Single!…I ….Won!" Tsunade said to herself almost unbelievingly. She stood up almost glowing at having finally won a bet.

"Shizune! Where are the sand siblings? I have some business with the girl." Tsunade said.

"I told you, they left." Shizune replied from the next room. Tsunade was stunned but only for a moment. Her face then took on a look of pure anger.

"SHE WELCHED ON OUR FING BET!" Tsunade screamed.

On the bus to Suna Temari felt, for the first time after causing it for so many, a sense of impending doom.

**The END**

**Author's Note: **There will be a sequel so check for that. Also thanks to all of you who have been with me for the duration of this fic.


End file.
